Its all Wrong!!!!

All for my likeness of putting down my thoughts in words , sometimes I kind of think , do I actually can write , or it is just my self believe in a make wish world that I imagine myself as someone who can put some thoughts to words. Its been a 2 months gone , and I have not written a word this year.All I did was trying to change the template and design, what a waste....Well as always there are immense excuses of laziness and stress in work. It becomes all the more difficult when your work involves with series of negativity and hardly you have anything to do or change in it, just follow the red tape. It becomes all the more taxing when you have nothing and no one to voice your opinions anyway , because you have a bread to earn and a family to feed.
I was reading one of my friends blogs ( the one which I am following ) and was inspired with the thought process and simplicity , yet so extensive use of knowledge and vocabulary. Kudos to him.
Life is strange as I have always said , and yes I have taken an oath that I will not repeat all those stuff again  and drive all of you to bore dome, but what remains does remains. I am reading a book about Dalai Lama , and no I am not talking about that book , or any review , but there was a particular statement that caught my eyes. In some paragraph it said , " In reality , most of the times you are required to take a decision between a wrong and a wrong " , it made me thinking , till now I used to believe , there is nothing right or wrong in something relative as life ..now it seems its all wrong ..and nothing right. Does it go back to the ultimate realization that our very own existence is a lie , a wrong itself , and whatever you do thereafter anyway doesn't make it right. I leave my readers ( I actually don't know , does anybody read my blog except my wife??!!!) to decide on that.
I was watching an interesting show that comes on TV MTV Roadies ( I had to watch online here) where they really test a persons patience man..I have never imagined to face that bad an interview ever , its a big stress interview.I feel sorry for the participants , but truly some of them are actually so bloody dumb. God save them.In my last 6 years of interviewing experience , its not that I have not come across any of them ..but on national television..wow !!!
Life has been nice and god has been kind , I am getting my food and places to go ( exactly how on of my another close friend would put it across)...but sometimes I wonder , how do I get enough strength to fight the redundancy that is around me. I sometimes go amazed with the level of myopia people can have, so scared about everything and spineless irritating behavior. I sometimes wonder , in the event of earning the daily bread aren't we not sacrificing our own dignity and self respect. Even I am not spared , I am also one of them , some more , some less may be...but sometimes this really kills me from inside , but alas , what the hell can I do ...I am also a spineless irritating idiot.
In some recent days , there was also certain incidents where I saw how much people can be ungrateful. With all the knowledge and looking at the big picture , withing yourself how can you be so small that you cannot accommodate a simple thank you to tell it to someone...I am dumbstruck.
Talking about the "Big Picture " I remembered , the company I am working for is celebrating 100 years , and people are so gungho about it. There has been teasers , this contest and that contest...and then the Senior Management sends an announcement that we have spend enough , we cannot spend anymore and we need to restrict our spending. Amazing hypocrisy all around , you cannot keep your people happy , or rather I would say, you cannot keep the people on the ground happy ( I am sure people top there must be enjoying big benefits as they can only see the big picture rest cannot even see the picture , leave alone big) and you are dancing about your 100 years. Well as its is said , nothing is free, once a slave , always a slave ..god knows when I can get freedom from this slavery.
I know I am being negative ...but its difficult , that's how and why  I started , its all wrong. Can I make it right? No I cannot , as I am also part of the system , I am also a hypocrite , I am also scared , I am spineless , I flow where the money flows , I do not have any opinion of my own , I say what I am told to say and I cannot be myself...ITS ALL WRONG!!! NEED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE WRONGS










 

"the act of life is the greatest act of magic"

Last few days there has been few series of incidents , some trivial and some eventful but none though is any landmark events , though it may seem so. But still those series of events again taught me some lessons which are far more relevant and hair raising than the events itself.

As a matter of fact the events are not important but what is important that those events had happened and IF those events would not have happened its not that lot of things would have changed or rather it is also not that after those events things have changed much. But yes , it was important.

I just read somewhere where it said "the act of life is the greatest act of magic", and that magic is what all we need to live life. But as I have written in my previous blogs so many times , while creating this magic we transform ourselves in a make wish world which has no more magic. In the quest of fame , success and money we forget that the magic can and usually does exists without these. We never think how much it could have changed with out getting this and without getting that. In the past few days the series of incidents were of different magnitude, if one was full of luck , the others were significant in giving the sign that I was missing something somewhere and it seemed I am going back several steps. I was upset , damn upset and was trying hard to motivate myself, but suddenly I realized, what the hell I am worried about and what the hell I am upset about. There has been nothing that has changed , and IF those events have not occurred or may have occurred differently what difference would have made in my life..the answer is a BIG NOTHING!!!

As life , by its nature , have always been surprises and that is the magic and this magic does not lies in the fame , success , money that we are running for , as without life those mean nothing and where there is no more magic in life , then its not a life at all and your can consider you time is up!!!

As we move  along the experiences of our lives , the good of small things often get unnoticed and we ignore what is important , the morning walk or the run. The bottom line remains , what it is worth and for all of this what is that you are loosing and how much you would gain anyway.

If I were given a scale and if I would started measuring , I would have blindly put everything in one scale which had money, fame and success and make all compromises there to reach to that level , but in the same thought , in the course of reaching there I might loose all the magic that life may have in store for me , and then who would be a greater looser at the end of the road.

Anyways, that was a big lesson learnt and as the year comes to an end , I guess this will be my last blog for this year. I know and believe I have not made justice to this blog where I promised to write more than I have actually written , but I have tried. I would like to thank all those who taken the pain to go through my writing.

I would like to thank all of them who have wished well for me and also thank to them who have not. Rather I would thank them more as if it were not them I would not have reached where I am now. I also thank to all those who have happened to be my critics and thanks to them I have been able to change myself from time to time hoping to become a better individual. I would also like to thank them who has been there no questions asked and without expectations. Thanks for making this year so beautiful . I don't want to go into deep surgery of the year of whether it has been a good one or a bad one , as I am strong believer that what happens , happens for the good. So even if something which has not happened to my expectations , I have accepted it as my failure and I have believed I have learnt my lessons and it has been for good.

I wish all of you a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. Let the MAGIC remain , let there be LIFE.

Perception - hidden desires

Imagine you are waiting for a train to come at the station and you are watching aimlessly to nowhere. Your vision is blurred with the rail tracks with the buzzing sounds of hundreds of people whispering , chatting , laughter in the background , then suddenly you are distracted with the coarse noise of the incoming train. The train comes stops at the station , a crowd comes out and another crowd goes in. You still sit tight staring at the tracks may be or may be your pair of eyes are always searching for the different emotions each of these living creatures are carrying at that point of time.
Each of these living creatures has a space of their own , but still ignorantly is sharing the space in the train , the station , the departmental stores , the park and so many other places , they are sharing time , space and part of their life. Without even realizing there is a connection made , which gets tested at times of calamities. Then all become one from each individuals , why , because they were sharing that space.
Staring at these ignorant people who so nicely moves around in the places where so many others are also moving around , suddenly it strikes that may be each one of them has their own story to tell or rather may be they are my stories which I am trying to see through them. Each of those pair of eyes has an emotion to hide , an emotion to show , past to forget and may be a future to share. Imagine the lone lady sitting in front of you staring out of the window with a blank eye while you are traveling in the train. So many stories she may be carrying with her, may be she had a bad day at office,may be she is just thinking what to have for dinner , or thinking about the next best shopping spree and like this you make your own story. Then you see the same woman in the shopping mall and then your imagnation starts again , you constantly decipher few more stories , like may be she has come to meet someone , then you see her with some one and thus it continues with a never ending thread.
In our lives with so many people we encounter short term as well as long term , with all of them we draw our own stories , out hidden stories and expectations and dreams we try to put in on them and then imagine it to be coming true.  Eventually we join our imagination threads one by one and then make out own perception about a whole person's life. It is amazing how wild those dreams can run and when you join those few threads the imagination takes a third dimension and then all seems to be like real. And all this and a lot more happens when the subject is fully unaware of your hidden desires which has been bestowed on him/her.
It has been always fun to put your dreams , your words, your imagination to an unknown character and try to make it alive , even when you have no connection , but then just sitting at the restaurant and observing them taking their food can be so interesting that it can actually belt out a novel in itself.Its not that there is no connection , there is always that feel which moves in the air as it is the same air we breathe and we are living with , so no matter how different we can try to make ourselves , we all are one and are tied with one thread.
I am still sitting at the station and gazing at the rails tracks as it runs far never to meet ever may be , who knows and may someone there is now watching me and forming a story of his own .........

Gods must be crazy..rather are crazy!!!

The other day I was watching this movie " Gods Must be Crazy" and inspite of the movie being so funny , I cant help thinking about the whole story. The story talks about bushmen in deep desert of Kalahari and one day somebody dropped an empty bottle of coke from a small plane and it dropped where these bushmen were living. For them it fell from the sky and thus it was a god's gift and thus they started using it , and they put them to so many uses as the bottle was hard .They created music, used to design snake skin , smash foods etc etc.But slowly this one bottle created differences and finally they started fighting over it, and so one of the bushmen father decided this was enough and he started on a trip to the end of earth to throw that 'evil' thing away which has taken away their happiness. And thus the story unfolds like that , with the bushman finally managing to throw that away ( from a cliff which he felt was end earth as there was no more land to go for).If you haven't seen it , I strongly recommend , you try to see this movie.
But the movie did strike a very strange thought in my mind...with all the things that god has given us and all the things which we have created for our own well being and convenience , we have actually forgotten what god has actually given to us. We pray to god about money , houses , wealth , riches , etc etc...but if you can give a more deeper thought , none of these things god has created , so arguably I am sure he has no stock of these things and thus we never have our prayer's answered and all these results in unhappiness. The bushmen were happy with whatever little they had , even drinking water from the dew drops and they were so happy in their small world...more we expect things to happen and more we create things for our own convenience , we do not realize but we march towards more unhappiness in the event of creating one. Having said that , I am surprised , why God let create all these things , he could have bring down calamity before humans thought of creating wealth , money and all other machinery for its convenience.He must be crazy to let his own creation destroy his resources...or shall there be end..be it may be even @ 2012...
One of my friend Anil (I am taking name, i guess he wdnt mind) mentioned a very similar but again a very valid question. How does God handles all the prayers or rather how does he actually distinguish between , which needs to be answered and which not, does he have kind of email system like we saw in the movie " Almighty"..could be , again how does he track performance criteria of all his creations..is there a score card, I suppose there is a score card..man!!! He must be crazy to create so many things and try to manage it , or has he left managing it , frustrated by the current trends and so many modifications , he has left all to the destiny..but isn't he who creates the destiny , if he is creating destiny then why he is allowing so much of violence , guilt , sin to happen every second..or has it really gone beyond his managing capability and soon all will end..just like that!!!
Just imagine , if a small empty bottle of coke can bring the whole tribe to fight against each other..there is no doubt with so many things Man has created for himself , they will fight till eternity and it can never stop. I am sure God is damn crazy to allow such thing to happen and still allowing or may be he has given up and he is sitting in a nice cozy place and having fun seeing us humans fight for each and every little thing..
Can it be ever possible we go back to those era where we can survive on only the natural resources ...like the ones still there in these deep deserts, jungles , and the himalayas, and have no shame to say 'we dont wear clothes as we dont need them' , 'we eat what reaps in trees, and we hunt whatever can be hunted, we survive on whatever God has given us'..i doubt , even I cant imagine living without all the luxuries in life......lets go and watch the world cup soccer in television...yeah!!!!!

Crap again!!!

I am myself amazed with my performance. Already half of the year has gone passed and I never tried to write , or rather was sooo lazy that never felt like writing. I am now wondering , whether I will be able to surpass my prev year performance of 4 posts...and see the irony ,I promised my self that every month I will write one post...if I cant even live upto my own expectations , I doubt if I can ever reach anywhere and the end of my life.
Anyways , time gone by cannot be brought back and there is no point thinking on those line ever. In these six months water has travelled far and beyond as it always does and life has brought significant changes. Professionally , primarily , as there has been changes in my work profile. Personally no change , except I visited another beautiful place here in Malaysia. This country is making me amazed more than ever. But well that I plan to cover in one of my another write up. Last few months have made quite a few new friends , different people , different thinking and different ideologies. More I see the diverse minds people have , more it amazes me, like this country.

Time is flying...

Its around 20 days in 2010 ...and it seems half the year is already gone by..time is beating us in every moment. As the usual saying goes , time is flying and we need to run faster to keep flying with it...its only that we are struggling hard to manage ourselves. Like this very blog , last year I started and could only post 2-3 ...in a WHOLE YEAR...man!! Well going forward I have kind of made a resolution that 2010 , every month I should write one. Well there is enough crap happening around to write ...isn't it;
I started to write this as a strange thought came across my mind. We keep saying time is flying.., time is moving very fast etc etc.. but if you give it a deeper thought , its the same 24hours a day , 7 days a week and 52 weeks a year..not changed at all , so how come , it started flying now. It never flew when I was in college...I had all the time to do things still it seemed the days are not passing and time is not at all moving. The questions always struck my mind, when I will grow up and when I will have my own money to do things and have not have to ask around for it,- rather beg for it.
Ah well !! when i finally grew up and came a time when need not had to beg here and there for daily wage, time never seem to be in my side. Always , till now , struggling to find time, time for my self. I guess its a fair deal anyway , we have traded time with money...in college , no money , but had all the time to write , read , do theater, publish magazines, arrange fests, compere shows what not ...over and above all had the time to DREAM. Now all things are for sale and definitely dreams...have learned to customize , truncate and sometimes write off the dreams , just to trade in for some cash. So now , its all about running behind cash and time....but unfortunately can catch neither of them..
We are always buying time , for work , for family , for investments ( material and non material) but how much for oneself , how much for all the dreams. Cant buy lah!!( as people here will say) its gone and gone forever ..or is it ..cant we just close our eyes and give our selves few mins , may be while driving towards home ( don't close eyes and drive that might prove fatal, but can make your brain work away from your mundane hits and misses towards your inner soul), or when you are doing your morning necessities just catch the time for that dream.
Strangely now I feel , after spending so much time to write this , time doesn't fly , it never flies , its always there. Its we who are running , running hard to god knows where , oh ya !! to earn that extra buck which will buy all the goodies. We are running as we had never ran before ..it seems there is a mad dog behind us , yes a fully mad dog , madness about success , fame , money
etc etc etc....and thus we can never see the time.
When I grew up , I managed time better , now time manages me.. I am the slave of time. I remember during school days if I used to watch TV before exams , my father used to say " Son, you will have all the time to watch TV when you grow up , but if you do not do well in this exam you are no where in the world. Once you miss the train , you miss it for ever and all your life would be a red signal". So like a nice guy , I kept on running , sometime fast , sometime slow ...but now when I look back at my father's words , I still don't have the time to watch my sports games , I still don't have time to DREAM , I am still RUNNING.................
While I finish this and post it , it will be just 5 more days as we say goodbye to January ....WHOA!!!! No wonder this year would be exciting....come 2010 , lets run and this time lets see who beats time......

Strange thoughts

Ah...it took me 3 months to write again , as some incidents really struck me and made me think , think and think again. The more I kept thinking , the more surprised I got and felt ...Man!!! life is not different , no matter where you are and what you do.

I always had a feel that people are different in different places and have different ways they take on life. Its different no doubt , but when it comes to certain aspects of human temptations, people are same. As somebody had said , sex , power , greed , vengenance bring people together and at same time make them far apart , even kill each other.

In India , I was exposed to a culture where none waited for a while to look up , if you fall , you get kicked harder so that you fall more and others can move ahead leaving you behind. It was like struggle for a slice of bread , when 100 people are trying to eat it. You had to play smart , but there were people who were smarter and they out witted you . You change your strategy , and then move ahead few steps , and then again the whole scenario changes and you seem to be back to square one. You fight with yourself day and night , you fight with your values , wishes, dreams , innocence, and your inner voice to make that inch of impression. Time had made me strong , made me work on my emotions and then there was a time , when nothing affected ...simply NOTHING!!!!.

Then I travelled few thousand miles to a new place. New people , new culture , new way of seeing life, new behavioural patterns....I was happy and was slowly getting into a complacent mode where I thought , all people are not same , you can still find life , you can still find sense of belongingness and brotherhood.But as time passed and then slowly life unfolded itself , in its truest sense. I was taken aback and off guard , suddenly everything seemed to fall apart till I regained myself. My old self which I had kept in the closet for some while, thinking I would not require it here. I started seeing the masks again , and no matter how I try , the masks never revealed its real self , every mask was different , although so same it looked .

I relaized , like I always believed that there is nothing right or wrong in something so relative as life... its just a GAME ....and its upto you how you play it. The game is same , the rules also are same , only your way of approaching it changes...from time to time ...and the more better you play , the more battles you survive. But there is no freedom from it , unless you die.! I was amazed and surprised but now I am more convinced, and I am confident , people accross world are same , the power , the politics and the manipulation all remains same , just the soldiers changes and may be also the king or the king maker.

It was a great lesson learnt again and an education to my deceptive mind , who always doesnt listen to my brain but my heart...